Timothy Luke Viergever Eulogy
His baby years
Tim was born on November 15 1994 at Dandenong Valley Private Hospital. He arrived at 9.59pm and was a healthy 9 1/2 lb boy. He was the new brother to Matthew, Jessica, and Sarah, and later became the older brother to Andrew and Nicholas.
Tim met his brother and sisters for the first time when they were awoken from their sleep and brought to hospital by Tim’s Godmother, Jill Smith, in the early hours of the morning. After some loving family time together we gave Tim his first bath, helped by lots of little fingers and hands.
Our family had grown to 6 and, as with all the other’s, Gerri and I knew we had created another loving person to join our close family. We were blessed with healthy children and thought Tim was the healthiest – he was the big baby with rosy cheeks.
From an early age it was realized Tim was a placid child. He learnt quickly he had to share time with the older children who had their own demands and needs. But he never complained that being number 4 meant he had to fit his life into the growing family. With the later arrival of Andrew and Nicholas Tim’s passive demeanour never changed – he always put others before himself.
Matthew, please bring forward a picture of Tim’s family together
FAMILY PICTURE delivered by Matthew
His Preschool years
Tim attended The Fields preschool in 2000. He was a quiet boy at Kinder. His teacher Joan Read along with Di Forster-Jennings gently encouraged Tim’s development, learning and social skills. Tim was a quiet achiever who was happy within himself. He would prefer to do a difficult jigsaw puzzle or a quiet activity rather than exerting lots of boisterous energy in the playground. He never tested the rules of authority and always did as was asked. He had a love of books and quickly mastered the challenges of reading. And he had a remarkable memory for detail.
It was at kinder he met Ryley Wood and Timothy McDonald. These boys, along with David Burgess who Tim bonded with at school, would become Tim’s best mates.
My special memory of Tim at Kinder was fathers night. I was in Brisbane but came home for this event. My plane was delayed so I was late in arriving. All the other fathers were already there so Gerri got Matthew to fill in as Tim was cross that Dad was late and Tim may miss out. But Tim never complained to me about being late.
Tim wanted a lamb for his 6 year old birthday. When Gerri asked him why, he replied “don’t you realize Mum, we are all Lambs of God” He got his wish for that present.
Gerri, please bring forward Tim’s Lamb
LAMB delivered by Gerri
His school years
Due to Tim’s gentle nature we had concerns for Tim starting school. Gerri felt like she was an anxious first-time mother – like it was her first born going to school. Jessica and Sarah had embraced school so easily whereas Tim needed closer watching. Gerri remembers meetings with Bonita Bowles all about Tim and how he would cope at school. But Tim was lucky – his teacher was Miss Samantha Kelly who gave Tim a positive track to get going on. Tim was excited to start school but we knew Tim and he was too gentle for his own good. Gerri remembers telling Samantha that Tim would never put his hand up even though Tim would always know the answer. He needed lots of encouragement to speak up. Tim was never bothered by this as he was always happy to wait for others.
Tim had settled well into his niche at school. He had made new friends, he was achieving well at school, and he was forming his own interests. He did Auskick on a Saturday morning and often went on a bike ride on Sunday with myself and the other children. The older kids would ride on ahead and Tim would be just behind me. I will never forgot his little legs pushing the peddles trying to keep up. He had moved on from being a little boy at Kinder to being independent. He was doing the things every other boy his age was doing.
When he got sick.
However his life changed in August 2001 when he started getting sick. This was the commencement of Tim’s mighty battle with the disease that finally took his life 18 months later. Tim was to have more than fifty hospital admissions of sometimes up to 10 days. In his final challenge he spent 20 days in Brisbane. His constant companion was Gerri. She is a wonderful mother who has done a magnificent job looking out for Tim. She never gave up hope.
Unfortunately Tim’s illness drew attention to himself due to the changes in his appearance such as hair loss from chemotherapy drugs and wearing a nasal gastric tube. Tim realized that sometimes people would just stare because he looked different and this made him feel uncomfortable. So he started to wear a hat. Tim had two favorite hats. He has taken his favorite with him, but leaves us his next favorite – the one he is wearing in the photo you see in your book.
Sarah, please bring forward Tim’s hat
HAT delivered by Sarah
We experienced the roller coaster only parents of cancer children can understand. The photo on your booklet was taken of Tim as he left for Brisbane. Tim was full of hope and he was going to Brisbane to be saved. We all prayed it would work.
Tim’s last battle in Brisbane showed to us how strong he was. We were told on December 17th that Tim’s Leukaemia was not curable. The following day Gerri and I sat down with Tim and told him that the Leukaemia had returned and we needed to stop treatment. I asked Tim if he knew what that meant, and as he embraced Gerri his sad voice said “Yes Dad, it means I’m going to die’. It was the saddest voice I have ever heard.
We knew precious time with our Tim was limited. So we made sure Tim did as much as he was able in his final few weeks. He got to say in luxury accommodation. He got to go fishing with his mates. He had a sleepover. He saw the latest movies. But all Tim wanted was to get well and get back to school to be with his friends.
We returned to Melbourne late December and were greeted by a large group of friends and family. As we exited the plane about 100 people starting clapping for Tim. Gerri and I were so very proud. I later asked Tim how he felt about that and he said “I don’t know why they did that and I was a bit embarrassed by it all” He never thought he did anything that special.
Tim’s website was a public diary of his final battle. It allowed people into our lives. More importantly it allowed them to pray for Tim. We have been told by so many people how strong we are as a family. But the true strength has come from our brave little boy who kept fighting.
We have so many people to thank but to single people out is impossible. The community spirit and networking of people has been incredible. We have countless stories of human kindness that have helped our family that could not be recollected today. We have received enormous support from people we have never met before. Tim’s story on the website went around the world. It was only ever meant to be a method to communicate to friends and family during transplant. What Tim has done is to allow people to help us. Our comfort is that Tim touched the hearts of many people and we know we are all better people because of Tim. But Tim, being such a placid and unassuming little boy, never understood the significance of how enriching his battle was for others.
We need to recognize our other children as they have also suffered on this journey. We are very proud of them for what they have sacrificed and how their lives have been impacted by an illness that was beyond understanding. We have done our best to run a normal family life, but our life was far from normal and never predictable. These children have endured special circumstances. But they are stronger for it. We shared some special moments last night as we all said goodbye to Tim.
Tim loved his family more than anything else. He was not into material things. He was offered a “Make-a-wish” but Tim declined it. His wish was to be alive with his family.
Tim loved the story of Oliver. He read the book, he saw the video, I bought him the CD. We went to the stage show and I vividly remember the song “Consider yourself part of the family” as it was being played out on stage. I looked over at Tim and he was singing that song loudly in his little voice.
Jessica, please bring forward the program from Oliver
OLIVER PROGRAM delivered by Jessica.
Tim was a perfectionist. He always had things in the order they are meant to be. His CD collection is filed in his order. His books are all the right way on the bookshelf. His money in his wallet is big notes down to small notes. His sticker collection is filed by page themes and they are placed in the right size order. His bed was always made in the morning and his clothes were always folded at night.
Nicholas, please bring forward Tim’s sticker collection
STICKER’S delivered by Nicholas
Tim had an incredible sense of justice. Everything had to be fair and shared evenly amongst his family. A block of chocolate would be opened up and then he would count out even piles and never think that he would get more than anyone else.
He had smart ideas for making money. He had an objective of having $200 in his wallet. He used to get lots of lollies which he rarely ate. So he started selling them to family and friends at good profits. He understood how to set prices as he told Gerri that too high meant he would not sell any, but too low meant he would not make any money. He was so successful that he now has nearly $300 in his wallet. No doubt he is making some deals in heaven with the other Angels.
He was the family champion at monopoly and knew how to win the game. He was good at lots of strategy games like UNO and CONNECT 4. Some of you now how hard it was to beat him at these games.
He had some special friends. Ryley, Timothy and David have been close friends of Tim and have also seen first hand the disease leukemia. Tim will live on through these boys.
Mark Graham , player number 34 of the Hawthorn FC, has been good to Tim. Mark even shaved his head for Tim. Mark sometimes attended treatment with Tim. A nurse asked Mark if he was the Hawthorn footballer Tim admired so much. Mark replied – no, I’m just Tim’s friend. Many months ago Mark gave Tim the jumper Mark played his 150th AFL game in. Tim is now wearing that jumper forever. Mark also arranged for another jumper to be signed by the players.
Andrew, please bring forward Tim’s jumper.
JUMPER delivered by Andrew
Tim’s best mate was Leuk the duck. Leuk joined our family 12 months ago and became a constant companion of Tim’s. Leuk went everywhere and did everything Tim did. This toy duck developed his own personality. The whole family would talk to Leuk as though he was another child. We have many photos to remember these two who are now together forever.
A lot of good comes from this dreadful illness. We were introduced to Challenge – a cancer support network for families. In the past 18 months these people have provided all our children more fun times than most families do in a lifetime. They also look after parents by running special days, and both Gerri and I have enjoyed these events with other parents of cancer children.
We also wish to acknowledge the support of the Leukaemia foundation. They provided our family with wonderful support in Brisbane by providing accommodation during December and assisted our family in lots of other ways. So much work by these people goes on without even being noticed, and nothing was ever a problem .
There was a sense of relief and calmness at the time of Tim’s passing. It was 1.26am on Wednesday January 22 2003. Tim was with myself and Gerri in our bed. We are truly thankful that Tim never suffered a painful death. Like Tim’s whole life he never made a fuss as he slipped away quietly to fly with the Angels forever. We then woke all the children and cuddled Tim together until daylight. It was a bonding experience that will help carry us into the future.
We feel privileged we were chosen to be the parents of Tim. He confronted his death in a magnificent way that all should learn from.
We were always open to Tim about his condition and this helped him overcome fear. You should not hide behind a shadow of uncertainty. Please do not stay away; speak freely to us about Tim. We want to hear his name spoken out loud.
We are broken hearted but are so very proud of our little champion who we love so deeply.
Until we meet again,
Goodbye Special Boy
Mum and Dad
Matthew, Jessica, Sarah, Andrew, Nicholas
And of course, Miffy our family dog.
